Just Words

I will never forget the corner desk we had set up in our kitchen. It was a Wal-Mart special, with enough room to sort our mail and all the incoming artwork from the preschool. It had a spot for my keyboard, our bulky computer monitor, and the large black rectangular hard drive that sat on the floor and hummed while I typed. I had toddlers and a baby on the way, and this crazy site called Facebook was gaining popularity among my friends.

I spent the day juggling as most new moms do. It was common to bounce from task to task all day, yet ending the day feeling as if I had nothing to show for it. I found these hysterical and poignant moments in my life as your average early 20 something gal . Between the diapers and the dishes, the juggle between work and motherhood, I had these stories pouring out of me. This funny concept of “Blogging” was also emerging. I had no clue really what it meant, but it seemed like a little portal into the world of others when I was at home raising babies, and trying to make ends meet. I learned how other moms were doing their day to day lives. I read blogs about budgeting and coupon-ing, decorating and design, faith and religion. I had no preconceived notions that I was a blogger, let’s be honest: Bloggers were not even really a thing yet. So I hit that little orange B icon and started writing about my life.

I began getting emails from women across the globe. I laughed at their stories, and we shared our struggles. I would sit with my feet propped up on that hard drive on the floor and type away. I found words to be my paint brush and the white screen was a canvas. I shared just about anything, and I loved it. Brutally honest posts that wrung out my vulnerability like a wet rag, to belly laughing on the floor when I shared how my kid hid his dirty diapers in the air vents. (Yes, that really happened and yes, it was disgusting.) Pretty soon thousands of subscribers joined my blog. I had no idea what in the world I was doing, it just happened. I wasn’t for sure what gifting I really had to offer the world until then, and some how God used this platform to connect me with women across the world, and give Him glory.

As time went on, blogging grew more popular. Phrases like “blog themes” and “blog hops” and “link parties” dictated my time. I needed a cute, professional graphic designed theme. Words like HTML and domains became part of my vocabulary. My insecurities grew just as fast as the blogging industry did.

“How was I going to engage readers?”

“You need high quality photos now. No one reads without pictures now. Do you have a DSLR camera?”

“How many subscribers do you have? Start doing giveaways to get more!”

I wasn’t a professional photographer. I had a flip phone. I didn’t understand the internet and social media. I just wanted to share my story. But all I had was words.

Just words.

I allowed the world’s voice to shout when God’s became a whisper. Comparison and competition are the opponent to one’s calling. You can’t run your race when you are in someone else’s lane. The focus shifted from story telling to performing. I handed the baton I was given off to my opponent and tried to enter a race I was never called to run.

Over the years, I would let a story slip out here and there. Often from the lens of my painting and furniture refinishing, or from the highs and lows of marriage and raising a family. I sensed how Biblical truths were playing out in current events to my own struggles and victories. Encouragement always flowed in my inbox when that nudge in my soul pushed me to hit “post” on social media. But I kept hearing the opponent threaten me like enemies always do, “Don’t start writing again, you just have words.”

6 months ago, I was sitting once again, in the corner of my kitchen (I can’t wait to tell you the story of how the kitchen from 11 years ago and this kitchen are tied together) when I finished pouring a word picture out into my journal. Oh how I wanted to share it! It was if God just allowed me to peek into His beautiful plan in the midst of such a chaotic time in our lives and I knew someone else would find the hope in that image the way I did..

The world had shut down, with it’s mandates and quarantine orders, but thankfully so did it’s voice in my ear. In those moments my heavenly Father’s words were amplified. “WRITE. Because the greatest gift I have given you is found in my words.” It’s so much more than just words.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” {John 1:1}