Happy “Every Day”

Can I be real for a second? I want to speak to the souls who aren’t feeling reflective, nor powerfully resolute. I want to talk to the white-knuckles who aren’t feeling a sense of relief for a New Year because your time around the sun has proved that dates on a calendar don’t change somethings. Fresh starts sound glorious and refreshing but not really practical for your daily battles.

January 1st doesn’t change the diagnosis. January 1st doesn’t make the child with special needs less in demand of your time and energy.  January 1st didn’t heal the marriage that was shattered, or make your hard work in healing less necessary. January 1st isn’t canceling the debts that haunted you on December 31st, and it for sure isn’t putting extra money in the bank. January 1st doesn’t rid the pull and ache of addiction. A resolution on a paper or post doesn’t rewire a brain that has become dependent on a substance, whether it’s sugar or alcohol, shopping or social media just because the clock struck 12. January 1st doesn’t bring back the loved one or speed up the grief process. January 1st doesn’t make the cold less colder or the dark less darker.

If I am speaking to you, you may agree it intensifies the cold and the darkness because the world around you is shouting celebration when you feel anything but, and because you are not organically warmer or brighter this week, shame is now sitting in this place with you. 

January 1st isn’t changing the relationship you once had or the pain the abandonment carved in your thinking. Words of the year like “Trust” “Growth” “Change” trigger a pain in you that makes you feel anything but renewed. It’s the trust that was broken. It’s the growth that made the loss deeper, and it’s all the change you’ve already encountered the last 365 days that makes the thought of changing one more thing too much to bear. 
If you aren’t on the “New year, New You” list, I would like to welcome you to your new fan club. Welcome to hearing me proclaim to you that you are worthy of celebrating on February, July or October. Life doesn’t always allow many slow moments to overhaul your pantry nonetheless reflect on your health goals and personal mantras. Your grief and healing isn’t defined by a calendar year and you definitely hold the weight of each day as a success because each day is it’s own countdown to done. 

5-4-3-2-1…. The baby is asleep. Breath. 

5-4-3-2-1…. I put my clothes on and brushed my teeth. No one saw but me and that was big. Change.

5-4-3-2-1…. I let her/him hold my hand. Someday we will kiss again, but this moment was more trust than I thought I’d see again. Trust. 

5-4-3-2-1… I thought of you, and I didn’t break into tears. Your memory kept me alive today. Growth.

5-4-3-2-1… I paid one bill. There are more but this one is done. Wealth. 

5-4-3-2-1… I see the sun, and I am still alive. This pain did not swallow me whole last night. Purpose.

 
You, you are not behind. You are not lazy. You are not unintentional or unmotivated. You are alive. Fully breathing and fighting. Your days are measured by the celebration of overcoming not the calendar. Your experience on this earth has shaped you and made you become so much more than a list of intent. You have been given life to see the child make the small milestones you prayed for last year. God is holding the pieces of your marriage in his hands so you can let go. Your creator has the needle and thread hemming you in, and one day you will see it all pulled together. Your grief is deep because you loved so deep and that can’t be defined by hours or minutes, and certainly not years. Your pull to numb isn’t gone on January 2nd, because dear friend you didn’t become addicted in one day. Keep digging to find that broken place in your soul and doing the hard work to rewire your defaults. And that body of yours that feels too round or frail or pale or bumpy… it is your vehicle and January 1st isn’t the manual. So look up from the posts and pages who are trying to steer YOU, and grab ahold of the truth that says YOU are created for glory. Let those whom have the margin to overhaul life right now have all the words and resolutions. They have a different set of minutes than you right now, and we can love them and their minutes and still not be in that camp . Your minutes haven’t changed from yesterday’s, and you have not failed because reflecting and renewing isn’t in your vernacular right now. I’m proud of you, and oh my, if you only knew how delighted God was in your daily choice to not give up. To you my friends- Happy Every Day.